Mentally Petite

“That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.”

                                                                                                                  Grey’s Anatomy

I arduously consider this quote, pondering the aforementioned. Personally, I never want to know something bad when I can hope for the best. When my life is amazing, I would rather wake on my own accord, and when it is terrible I actually prefer to not face the day. So I don’t believe this to be necessarily true, either. The last third of this inspirational quote, however, causes a type of intrinsic crisis: “Even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying”.

The worst failure, the biggest failure, at the worst time, can be inconvenient for some people; the strong individuals will face “minor setbacks” and try again. However, the very same event trouncing a previously fragile individual is detrimental. I have shattered into over 300 pieces on my bedroom floor for every rejected Resume and failed job interviews. It has taken three months for doctors, friends, my boyfriend, and my parents especially, to meticulously glue me back together. I am a petite girl. I look frail, delicate, breakable, and brittle. They are all synonyms for each other, obviously, and unfortunately, I am mentally “petite” as well. My body and my mind will break, shatter, and are easily hurt and destroyed because people push me to believe “The biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying”.

“Keep applying”, “Keep your head down and push through”, “Eight to ten job applications a day and you will get there”. This isn’t true. Sometimes you simply fail in today’s job market when you only have an undergraduate degree and are without experience. I am applying at locations where I will operate machinery now, hoping to gain job experience. Yes, I am still waiting for job interview two and they did not even look at my Resume or ask about my degree. I turn 25 next month. I have learned one valuable life lesson: Never look down on an individual with 6 years of professional experience who opted out of college. I hold a piece of paper, and…. a piece of paper.


A Beating Heart Behind Every Book

50c books

I knew when I started my blog that I wanted it to be a true reflection of MY LIFE, MY JOURNEY’S, AND MYSELF, for better or for worse. I SUBMERGE myself daily, for hours, in every single book I can get my hands on. Some are terrible, but I read through to the end. The options on my menu represent my life fairly well, and it would not be a fair representation of myself if “My Literary Explorations” didn’t exist.  I am also not going to be dishonest, WordPress is immensely intimidating, I can only assume my blog posts will in the future be read and immediately dismissed within a few glances, entries, or by the title of my blog alone. I am not an author, I do not pour tears, my pride, reputation, and rely on countless friends and pray to God only to know I will either be a huge success or failure. As F. Scott Fitzgerald proclaimed in 1920 “An author ought to write for the youth of this generation, the critics of the next, and the schoolmasters of ever afterward.” I personally view The Great Gatsby as the single most important piece of American literature we acquired from the twentieth century, yet I guarantee critics had abhorrent remarks about his lifestyle, writing style, and the book itself.

This brings me to the book I finished today. An author wrote the most amazing thank you at the end for everyone who had assisted her along the way. I went to to scan my book and shelve it, and looked at a few reviews, some simply declared their love for this book. As a reader yourself, simply use your imagination for the disapproving reviews a few fellow readers shared with us, or the discontented reader’s interjected comments as author “read” her story to us. This woman may search herself and her book, it may affect her writing, and it may affect her contract. Thank goodness for SPSS, statistics, Neilson. We have all finished a book that has last such an impression on us, took such an emotional toll, or what have you, that it truly makes all books pale in comparison. And when the next book we pick up doesn’t meet those expectations, when the next book doesn’t even pique your interest because of this, it is your fault and not the author’s. This author need to be appreciated for how she writes. Which is what I am going to do. I may do this slightly unconventionally, but I am going to do research before writing a single comment about what I think about the book. If it is her first book or if it is John Grisham’s twentieth’s. I mean if it was a .99c book did I expect my new Gatsby? No, so I will be realistic to these authors as I venture through unknown territories of WordPress. It will be new for me, and I hope, if anyone reads my blog, they will learn about the author, the book, and me.

What’s in a name?


Tonight, on CNN, the royal baby is a topic of discussion. I must say, after the purchase of my purebred Golden Retriever, I was barely fazed at this seemingly pretentious name. My six-month-old puppy’s “paper name” is “Oberlin Farm’s Sir Edward Truman IV”. Yes, he was an expensive as his name implies, I can buy the rights to breed him, but I immediately need to make that decision or neuter him this month and notify the breeder. His mother came with papers, I cannot remember her ridiculous line of names, but his father’s line of Sir Edward’s __________ made it a fill in the “all American name” situation. In my house it is the forth of July every singly day my Golden’s name is so American and pretentious. So, what is in a name?

If you are a man, according to the article, you may have bigger shoes to fill if you are an Alexander or a George as opposed to a Jordan or an Aric. Maybe you will need that name as a future CEO. Parents name children after their family members or friends because of the positive connotations, however I was simply named because my dad saw my name in a particular magazine, took noticed the spelling was different, but there still is nobody in our lives to make my name warm and fuzzy, including me. The future king’s name has slide shows and thousands of articles critiquing his name and speculating why they chose his name and what kind of king he will be. Prince George Alexander Louis isn’t even as old as Oberlin Farm’s Sir Edward Truman IV and he has his Christmas’s planned to the hour.

If you are part of the American Kennel Club (or soon to be), when choosing your dogs paper name it is quite important because they do not allow duplicate names for show dogs. (If you have ever wondered at Westminster how these poor dogs have such ridiculous names, this is why.) The AKC will ask you to choose another name if your name is already taken, and creative names and spelling draw attention and are actually encouraged. Although the American Kennel Club, sometimes your breeder, traditions from the studs proceeding him will ask for your dog to have long pretentious names, you will have your name for him, like your name for your baby. I have “Truman” And yes I still have the Forth of July at my house every day, but not because he was named after President Truman.

The A1A that travels through the Florida Keys to Key West and the road splits right or left. Take the road right and it turns into Roosevelt Avenue and it’s a beautiful view of the outer keys. The road turns again into “Old Town”, this time left and becomes Truman Avenue, my favorite place on earth. I will spare the details but its near Mile Marker 0, Hemingway’s House and the lighthouse, the harbor, and every single time I look at Truman, I feel a bit of that happiness I feel in Key West, I feel instead unconditional love. A picture perfect name.

Sharing a family name