Forgive and Forget

“Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness old scores never settle. Old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for is that someday we’ll be lucky enough to forget” –Grey’s Anatomy

Is this the best I can hope for? That my wounds will never heal and the way to manage them is time? Time waits for no man. When Jordan left me in December, the only thing I needed was for time to stand still so I could mourn appropriately but the world moved at it’s usual pace day in and day out. I lost months mourning and going through the grieving process. I still notice his absence, but a little less each day. This is the first time I have spoke in this way about my failed relationship, but I feel publicly acknowledging the absence of him here beside me is personal growth. When the relationship ended, the fight took ten minutes and we became another statistic of long distance relationships.
Looking back I completely see the truth of this statement “the most we can hope for is that someday we’ll be lucky enough to forget”. The pain from the ending of my past relationship was intense until it wasn’t, until the passing of time slowly numbed the areas affected.
I still believe Jordan is almost perfect, although I have been asked to find and focus on his flaws as a way to move forward. Maybe he is, we just don’t believe he is perfect for me. I finally agree somewhat; I am excited for what lies ahead finally instead of constantly looking behind me. I believe there is someone for me who will truly accept and love me. I can’t forgive him for what was said the night we broke up, but the passing of time gives me hope I will indeed eventually forget.

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A Touch of Envy

There is a young woman I have never even met who simply exudes coolness. The kind that makes everyone wants to be her, or sleep with her simply because of the sureness of herself. She is more artistic than I am in every category: water painting, calligraphy, sculpting, and photography. I find myself looking up to her in awe and envy yet wanting to be her friend because she’s genuinely nice. I feel thirteen years old all over again. I feel pains of jealousy. I know without a doubt I am not alone or most girls would only have kind thoughts and words to each other and about one other so, psychologically, what are we feeling?

Therapists often regard this deadly sin as a scar of childhood trauma or a symptom of a psychological problem. And it’s true that people who feel inadequate, insecure, or overly dependent tend to be more jealous than others, but it actually evolved from more positive reasons. Throughout our primordial past it discouraged desertion by a mate, bolstering the family unit and enabling the survival of the young. Catching someone flirting with your beloved can spark the kind of lust and romance that reignites a relationship.

Unfortunately jealously can sometimes go awry, they become self-consumed, undermining their self-esteem and into someone else’s arms. Unfortunately, jealousy is the leading cause of spousal homicide worldwide.

I am simply insecure and envy her life, my job position, and yes I wish I was as talented as this wonderful woman’s hands with a paint brush. But psychologically, I understand better what I am feeling when I experience jealousy and will always keep this in mind.

Understanding Jealousy: Ph.D., H. F. (n.d.). Understanding Jealousy. . Retrieved May 12, 2014,

My Books Are Loved

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Humans Beings are interesting creatures. There are so many ways to do things, and so many strong beliefs about how their way is the right way, should be the only way, or that your way, or my way should not be permitted. You may chuckle or giggle when you realize what I am talking about when I spit out this horrific topic, and then you will say, “why yes, I do have a preference”.

I FOLD DOWN THE CORNER OF THE PAGE ON MY BOOKS.. I “DOG EAR” my books..

I have looked at comments on blogs and after reading many comments; I would almost say easily thousands of readers would be slightly miffed at my adored books. Women commenting in the most recent blog I read even went as far as to say they try not to bend the spines, having a library in pristine condition is her goal! This comment came with many smiley faces and exclamation points. Someone named Elle believes folding the corners is damaging the story it’s self.  I have read folding the corners shows you do not love your books, abuse your books, or couldn’t pick up the book that has been used previously and read it because someone before you chose this manner of bookmarking. I beg to differ.

My books are loved, adored, and sometimes memorized. My books are sometimes yellow from rereading them in the hot summer sunshine and occasionally have the pages falling out from the melted glue. Some of my books are filled with Key West sand. Unfortunately the book’s filled with sand constantly falling to my floor with yellow pages are often the most adored of all. Every single book has bent corners. Some are highlighted with pencils marking the most important pages of all. I also have several books with bent corners yet I never use them; I just open the book and read because every single page and word is memorized. Simply reaching for the book is calming, like a smoker reaching for their cigarette box. My therapy, my memories of what I was doing when I was reading it. I need to go back, so I reread the book, or just my dog eared page. I simply cannot imagine the nice bookmarks required for the situations I come across where I want to mark something. But my point is, my books are loved, saved, and will be in my possession for many many years, bent spine and all.

I love psych, so don’t hesitate to comment immediately on how you choose to bookmark your books, highlight, or crease your spines. I will read all immediately via Iphone because I am curious about your preferences too.