Forgive and Forget

“Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness old scores never settle. Old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for is that someday we’ll be lucky enough to forget” –Grey’s Anatomy

Is this the best I can hope for? That my wounds will never heal and the way to manage them is time? Time waits for no man. When Jordan left me in December, the only thing I needed was for time to stand still so I could mourn appropriately but the world moved at it’s usual pace day in and day out. I lost months mourning and going through the grieving process. I still notice his absence, but a little less each day. This is the first time I have spoke in this way about my failed relationship, but I feel publicly acknowledging the absence of him here beside me is personal growth. When the relationship ended, the fight took ten minutes and we became another statistic of long distance relationships.
Looking back I completely see the truth of this statement “the most we can hope for is that someday we’ll be lucky enough to forget”. The pain from the ending of my past relationship was intense until it wasn’t, until the passing of time slowly numbed the areas affected.
I still believe Jordan is almost perfect, although I have been asked to find and focus on his flaws as a way to move forward. Maybe he is, we just don’t believe he is perfect for me. I finally agree somewhat; I am excited for what lies ahead finally instead of constantly looking behind me. I believe there is someone for me who will truly accept and love me. I can’t forgive him for what was said the night we broke up, but the passing of time gives me hope I will indeed eventually forget.

Advertisements

Do I Officially Have A Hobby?

book stacks

When my two-year relationship ended a few weeks ago, it became immediately clear what I should do with Jordan’s Christmas money: fulfill my current book list, at my favorite bookstore, while sipping a cappuccino.

Unfortunately I found myself debating the big 3: Is this retail therapy, am I collecting books as my hobby (I dream of a library), or this is a compulsive behavior?

I left with not only the books I had been hoping to get acquainted with, but also with books I never knew I wanted to acquire. We readers need to be honest, every book holds a quick set of friends and framework of relationships you learn and gossip with just until that last page is turned. You lose a friend and you open your next book and meet another. She could be a better companion than the last.

So the question is whether my collection of books is simply the beginning of the library that flourishes during a time of retail therapy or something more. I will spare the suspense; I read for entertainment, and buy for enjoyment. Reading and collecting books is my Hobby, along with Photography. My psychiatrist could not be happier with how I am channeling my energy. So Cheers to the New Year! And my 12+ books to fall in love with in the immediate future!