A Touch of Envy

There is a young woman I have never even met who simply exudes coolness. The kind that makes everyone wants to be her, or sleep with her simply because of the sureness of herself. She is more artistic than I am in every category: water painting, calligraphy, sculpting, and photography. I find myself looking up to her in awe and envy yet wanting to be her friend because she’s genuinely nice. I feel thirteen years old all over again. I feel pains of jealousy. I know without a doubt I am not alone or most girls would only have kind thoughts and words to each other and about one other so, psychologically, what are we feeling?

Therapists often regard this deadly sin as a scar of childhood trauma or a symptom of a psychological problem. And it’s true that people who feel inadequate, insecure, or overly dependent tend to be more jealous than others, but it actually evolved from more positive reasons. Throughout our primordial past it discouraged desertion by a mate, bolstering the family unit and enabling the survival of the young. Catching someone flirting with your beloved can spark the kind of lust and romance that reignites a relationship.

Unfortunately jealously can sometimes go awry, they become self-consumed, undermining their self-esteem and into someone else’s arms. Unfortunately, jealousy is the leading cause of spousal homicide worldwide.

I am simply insecure and envy her life, my job position, and yes I wish I was as talented as this wonderful woman’s hands with a paint brush. But psychologically, I understand better what I am feeling when I experience jealousy and will always keep this in mind.

Understanding Jealousy: Ph.D., H. F. (n.d.). Understanding Jealousy. . Retrieved May 12, 2014,

My NIKKOR 50mm Lens

I received a wonderful birthday gift which I won’t be forgetting for quite some time: a AF Nikkor 50mm f/1.8D. Offering natural image rendering and exceptional sharpness, the AF NIKKOR 50mm f/1.8D is a versatile, affordable prime lens. It is extremely convenient to carry and its as versatile as compact. It’s f/1.8 maximum aperture creates a background blue also known as bolkeh, and creates great low-light shooting. It is consistently stunning, both inside and out. The AF NIKKOR 50mm f/1.8D is fast enough for shooting in most lighting situations without a flash—from dusk and dawn to dim indoor lighting. Its aperture control ring allows for manual adjustments during Live View shooting.

The average customer rating is a 4.8/5 and I would easily rank it 5/5. It is simply my favorite lens thus far. Best of luck for every photographer out there whether it is a hobby or for your living!

Nikon USA. (2014, January 1). . Retrieved May 12, 2014, from http://www.nikonusa.com/en/Nikon-Products/Product/Camera-Lenses/AF-S-NIKKOR-50mm-f%252F1.8G.html

Do I Officially Have A Hobby?

book stacks

When my two-year relationship ended a few weeks ago, it became immediately clear what I should do with Jordan’s Christmas money: fulfill my current book list, at my favorite bookstore, while sipping a cappuccino.

Unfortunately I found myself debating the big 3: Is this retail therapy, am I collecting books as my hobby (I dream of a library), or this is a compulsive behavior?

I left with not only the books I had been hoping to get acquainted with, but also with books I never knew I wanted to acquire. We readers need to be honest, every book holds a quick set of friends and framework of relationships you learn and gossip with just until that last page is turned. You lose a friend and you open your next book and meet another. She could be a better companion than the last.

So the question is whether my collection of books is simply the beginning of the library that flourishes during a time of retail therapy or something more. I will spare the suspense; I read for entertainment, and buy for enjoyment. Reading and collecting books is my Hobby, along with Photography. My psychiatrist could not be happier with how I am channeling my energy. So Cheers to the New Year! And my 12+ books to fall in love with in the immediate future!

Is educated, unemployed and undecided the most crippling position today?

building career climbing

 

 

 

 

 

Is it possible that not having a career and being unsure about my career goals may actually not be the most crippling position? In the last two months alone, I have had endeavors I never saw myself beginning on my own and absolutely loved them. I am clearly on WordPress, risking public humiliation with my sub-par writing style and grammatical errors, Pinterest, Tumblr, LinkedIn, and I am growing followers with every post and pin.

I have finally risked public humiliation even though I am hiding behind my computer, I have comments open to the public and online bullying has made humans more open about their opinions than ever before. Previously, I would not risk speaking out in front of Jordan’s medical school friends due to their obvious higher education level and their clear ability to spot the “village idiot”. This is a positive step. I am now forced to sometimes brainstorm for creative posts, research to validate my information, and I am finally beginning to learn a bit of front end web design.

My escape from depression, besides my Golden Retriever puppy, Truman, has been the purchase of my camera and my desire to truly take pleasing pictures. My Nikon D3200 is such a complicated camera for a novice like myself, and it continues to awe me with its capabilities. I would like to not only grasp them, but master them, and then  purchase other lenses and master them too. My favorite thus far is the Aperture setting, the mistiness over the water, and I am desperate to begin learning about light.

Holding a position at a call-center, Target, or a server would take my time, happiness, and less time to apply to jobs and spend the rest of the time on my new endeavors. I still have time to center myself and remind myself this will not last. I have found things I do not like: coaching, book clubs, counseling, and babysitting.

I would never have realized any of this if I went straight into a job that would have eventually in 5 years worked up to the first position I originally wanted. I am realizing everything now. I obviously know I need to work and the first job that is offered I will take, but there is silver lining and I should not turn my bedroom into a place where depression comes to die.