Is educated, unemployed and undecided the most crippling position today?

building career climbing






Is it possible that not having a career and being unsure about my career goals may actually not be the most crippling position? In the last two months alone, I have had endeavors I never saw myself beginning on my own and absolutely loved them. I am clearly on WordPress, risking public humiliation with my sub-par writing style and grammatical errors, Pinterest, Tumblr, LinkedIn, and I am growing followers with every post and pin.

I have finally risked public humiliation even though I am hiding behind my computer, I have comments open to the public and online bullying has made humans more open about their opinions than ever before. Previously, I would not risk speaking out in front of Jordan’s medical school friends due to their obvious higher education level and their clear ability to spot the “village idiot”. This is a positive step. I am now forced to sometimes brainstorm for creative posts, research to validate my information, and I am finally beginning to learn a bit of front end web design.

My escape from depression, besides my Golden Retriever puppy, Truman, has been the purchase of my camera and my desire to truly take pleasing pictures. My Nikon D3200 is such a complicated camera for a novice like myself, and it continues to awe me with its capabilities. I would like to not only grasp them, but master them, and then  purchase other lenses and master them too. My favorite thus far is the Aperture setting, the mistiness over the water, and I am desperate to begin learning about light.

Holding a position at a call-center, Target, or a server would take my time, happiness, and less time to apply to jobs and spend the rest of the time on my new endeavors. I still have time to center myself and remind myself this will not last. I have found things I do not like: coaching, book clubs, counseling, and babysitting.

I would never have realized any of this if I went straight into a job that would have eventually in 5 years worked up to the first position I originally wanted. I am realizing everything now. I obviously know I need to work and the first job that is offered I will take, but there is silver lining and I should not turn my bedroom into a place where depression comes to die.


My Minimalist Bedroom

I have minimalist tastes, and I share another love I will simply describe as “modest stateliness”.  But today, I repainted my bedroom “Ultra White”, and my mother was not shy to share her brash opinions of my minimalist approach to my bedroom. Minimalism is clearly not for everyone. But if you have a small bedroom, do not enjoy clutter, have anxiety, or simply love minimalism, there is something beautiful in going back to the basics.

My Bedroom

I have a small bedroom, a 10×12’ bedroom not including the closet. I chose to occupy the space with a single lamp, a bookcase with a television incorporated into it, and a queen size bed. Every single item is either oak or white (minus the television). The bookcase matches the floor perfectly, as do the whites. I have such few items in my bedroom they receive extreme scrutiny and therefore are nice, and I have a basket in the bookshelf for miscellaneous items that will inevitably occupy your life.

A minimalist bedroom works best if you choose grays, whites, and blacks, a white and beige, or a white, black, and a primary color. Bright colors in general do not work well with minimalism. This does not mean that in a completely white room you cannot have a bright piece of art, or a vase as a focal point.

“Minimalist” does not equal “bareness”. While my walls are basically bare, it is simply a preference. My walls are all white. I am considering designing a small grey headboard, but if I do I will not add anything else. But, I digress. Minimalist simply means if you don’t need something, get rid of it. If you have a plush reading chair and it is your bedroom, move it to your library. Arguably, my books are extremely unnecessary but I find myself lost without my old friends. My books are my color and my company. Personally, you do not need more than one lamp, storage is necessary, and if you are truly a minimalist and love books like I do, stack them. It is the look of perfection.

book stacks


I think minimalism makes life more personal. It allows you to get to know the person intimately in a few pieces of furniture, artwork, and what is on their surfaces. It allows me to feel more connected to what few things I have in my bedroom, my own universe with the relevant on display and nothing more.

Are the Rules of Composition Made to Be Broken?


I clearly have a new hobby, one that I am simply immersing myself into. It is a culture, one with a language in which people speak and I am expected to know. There are many nods of my head and bullshitting on my side and I make a note to look it up later. Instead I am going to admit my flaws for all to see, and if you think this novice is an indeed an idiot, so be it, but my goal is someone can learn where I chose to do the research on my own.

My question is: Are the rules, especially when considering the minimalist approach to photography, occasionally made to be broken?

One theory: Nothing can be broken until you have mastered them.

So, easy rules of composition:

  •                The golden mean and its simplified rule of thirds- Once you know what your subject of the photograph is going to be, imagine, or apply the tic-tac-toe approach through your viewfinder. Where the lines actually intersect through the viewfinder, or would intersect, is where the rule of thirds applies. The rule of thirds suggests that the points of intersection are the best places to position your subject. Doing so will greatly improve your odds of a more pleasant picture to look at and a more balanced composition. Try different compositions until you find the one you like best, the same gridlines can help you keep your horizons level and the vertical elements in your photo straight.
  •              Where to place the horizon line- Most pictures look better if the horizon is positioned above or below the middle of the frame, not directly in the center of the image. The exception is when shooting a reflection. In this case having the horizon in the center can work well because it creates equal elements at top and bottom—the scene above and the reflection below.
  •                Lean Into the Frame- When photographing people and animals it’s best to have them looking into the frame. If there’s action in your picture, leave more space on the side of the frame where the action is headed. It looks more natural that way and lets the viewer have a feel for where the subject is going.
  •          Leading Lines- When photographing buildings or other strong linear subjects, compose your image so that the architectural elements lead the viewer’s eye through the photograph. These “leading lines” lead your eyes through the image—sometimes even out of the image. These lines can be the main subjects of the image, or they can be used to lead your viewer to a specific area within the photo that is an important focal point. In addition to straight lines, curves also make interesting compositions. They serve a purpose in bringing the viewer’s eye throughout an image. Curves can be the main subject, or as with leading lines, they can be a means of leading the viewer to different subjects within an image.▪               Depth- Photography is a two dimensional medium, and we have to convey the sense of depth that was present in the actual scene. You can create this by including objects in the foreground, middle ground and background. Another useful composition technique is overlapping, where you deliberately partially obscure one object with another. The human eye naturally recognises these layers and mentally separates them out, creating an image with more depth.

    ▪               Balancing Elements- Placing your main subject off-center, as with the rule of thirds creates a more interesting photograph, but can leave a void without including another object of lesser importance to fill the space

    ▪               The rule of odds- for some reason, items grouped together in odds (three strawberries rather than two) give you a shot that’s more interesting and easier to focus on as those that surround it automatically frame the middle element.

    ▪               The rule of space- This rule states that if the subject is not looking directly to the camera, or looks out of the frame, there should be enough space for the subject to look into. This technique creates intrigue in the minds of the viewers. Moreover, studies show that people viewing this kind of image will naturally look at the area where the subject is looking at.

    But after mastering them can they be broken like a philosopher or academia?

No, Put simply, the more instinctive the composition process is, the better the photographer.

Rule of Space in Photography (

10 Top Photography Composition Rules (

5 Easy Composition Guidelines ( :

The Minimalist Photographer (

The Great Gatsby – Book and Movie Review

The most beautiful book and movie review I have read. F Scott Fitzgerald is easily the most influential American author in the 20th century in my opinion. He writes in a way that makes you fall in love with the English language in a way nobody has done before.


This is my favorite advice on minimalism photography thus far:


It refers to the simplicity or minimalist nature of a photograph. The photograph has a varied meaning basically means what the photographer wants it to mean (is in the interpretation of the photographer). Like most photography, it can be done well, or done leaving the viewer wonder if “it is minimalist or a bad job?”

What makes the difference in minimalism is the subject. Without a subject a photograph is missing some involvement with the viewer. It needs to answer “What is this photograph about?”, after the viewer looks at the sky, horizon, and water. A human being on the beach adds another layer to the photograph,  it is still minimalism and the possibilities are endless.


1: A zen like state is the concept on minimalism. if you are calm and relaxed and have time on your hands your likelihood of getting a better photograph increases. This can be said for many photographic works but is especially true in minimalism.

2: Concentrate on a single subject. Is there a minimalist subject in a street full of people? No chance for minimalism here? Think again and start to see differently. A pigeon has just landed on an awning; a bicycle was just leaned against a lamp post; A shopping bag was just set down and stands alone. These are examples of potential minimalist photography. The photographer through creative angles can create a minimalist photograph even in busy places.

3: Break the subject down even finer. The bell on a bicycle, a reflector, or a seat spring are all potential subjects.

4: Know when to use blur and when to focus. A flower in a garden can be a subject of minimalism if you eliminate all of the other flowers, the tangle of vines and whatever else may fall into the picture. Blur can be an effective way to create minimalism. A fast lens will be needed. An aperture of f1.8 at a minimum and f1.2 is even better. Still you may need to use software in your digital darkroom to manipulate the background enough to call it minimalism. Focus is needed vast areas with a single subject like a person walking on a beach.

*5: The rules of composition still apply. The rule of thirds, leading lines, space for subjects in motion etc. still applies. The rule of thirds simply put is the subject should not be centred but should be about a third of the way to either side of the photograph and a third of the way from the top or bottom of a photograph. The rule of thirds therefore discourages putting a horizon in the middle of a photograph and putting your subject dead centre or too high or low in your photograph as well. The rule of thirds may even apply more in minimalism. When the photograph is simplified as much as possible the rule of thirds becomes more evident and it may be important to use the rule of thirds as a result. You be the judge and consider some creative cropping to achieve this in your photograph.


  • 5 Tips for Minimalist Photography (

My Books Are Loved


Humans Beings are interesting creatures. There are so many ways to do things, and so many strong beliefs about how their way is the right way, should be the only way, or that your way, or my way should not be permitted. You may chuckle or giggle when you realize what I am talking about when I spit out this horrific topic, and then you will say, “why yes, I do have a preference”.


I have looked at comments on blogs and after reading many comments; I would almost say easily thousands of readers would be slightly miffed at my adored books. Women commenting in the most recent blog I read even went as far as to say they try not to bend the spines, having a library in pristine condition is her goal! This comment came with many smiley faces and exclamation points. Someone named Elle believes folding the corners is damaging the story it’s self.  I have read folding the corners shows you do not love your books, abuse your books, or couldn’t pick up the book that has been used previously and read it because someone before you chose this manner of bookmarking. I beg to differ.

My books are loved, adored, and sometimes memorized. My books are sometimes yellow from rereading them in the hot summer sunshine and occasionally have the pages falling out from the melted glue. Some of my books are filled with Key West sand. Unfortunately the book’s filled with sand constantly falling to my floor with yellow pages are often the most adored of all. Every single book has bent corners. Some are highlighted with pencils marking the most important pages of all. I also have several books with bent corners yet I never use them; I just open the book and read because every single page and word is memorized. Simply reaching for the book is calming, like a smoker reaching for their cigarette box. My therapy, my memories of what I was doing when I was reading it. I need to go back, so I reread the book, or just my dog eared page. I simply cannot imagine the nice bookmarks required for the situations I come across where I want to mark something. But my point is, my books are loved, saved, and will be in my possession for many many years, bent spine and all.

I love psych, so don’t hesitate to comment immediately on how you choose to bookmark your books, highlight, or crease your spines. I will read all immediately via Iphone because I am curious about your preferences too.

Marketing Strategies That Moved Me to Tears

Nikon D3200

I recently bought a Nikon D3200 from a professional camera shop instead of Best Buy. My camera in total was enough to drive me to tears three times. Best Buy price matches from the Internet. I was completely uneducated when I embarked on this purchasing journey and it is rather unfortunate the entire decision was based off of the marketing strategies placed on the “consumer” instead of my education of Nikon, Canon, and the middlemen involved.

I love taking pictures, one glance on my Instagram account, Facebook, Pinterest, or tumblr will tell you this, so it was time I took matters into my own hands and purchased a quality camera and lens to begin a lifelong hobby. I enjoy minimalist photography but also whatever piques my interest. I avoid our local camera shop initially because of their inability to match prices, their knowledge and my disadvantage, a known marketing strategy for anyone trying to up-sell, and head instead to Best Buy, where they acknowledge manufacturer rebates, offer their own sales, and price match any location both online and mortar you can find at a better price. I wanted an EOS or a DSLR, and knew my price point, and Best Buy had an amazing deal and price matched an even better one on the Canon of my dreams. The manager and the woman approved it, but upon returning the next day, the next manager refused even after yesterdays manager was called at home. This was the first round of tears, because it had been such a long road to even get to this point, and without the sale the camera simply couldn’t be purchased. Today, as I reflect, I wonder: Why do girls cry so much more easily than boys?

“Until puberty, boys and girls cry in equal amounts. However when the estrogen levels rise in girls and bring them to tears more often, the testosterone increasing in boys are causing less tears than their female counterparts. Once we reach adulthood, women cry approximately four times as much as men- about 64 times a year, as opposed to 17 times for men. We could blame a protein named prolactin, which also control breast milk production, is present when someone cries emotional tears. The protein gets the endocrin system flowing, making more people more prone to crying and women have 60% more prolactin in their bodies at any given time do to men. Another reason for men’s stoic nature could be that men sweat more than women. When men sweat, then may need to release some toxins that are found in emotional tears, lessening their need to cry. Women have them too, but when men cry since they sweat they need to cry fewer tears. Men may have saved their tears for disasters, but when hormones and middle age hits, the statistics change again.”

Okay, so Discovery helped me now, but in the moment I was devastated and needed another way. Fortunately, my parents had been plotting to buy me a “present” anyways and told me to return to Best Buy and get the one I really wanted. I returned a third time, to be told they could not do anything in price matching, and I was forced to wait around fifteen minutes for the second time and I was about to spend more money than I was comfortable with standing waiting, and falling prey to their antics. I get in my car, this time I am so frustrated that I am in tears, and go to Jack’s, much like heading out of the “Pride Lands”.

It’s intimidating just to walk in the store; there are lenses behind the counters, camera’s that are easily valued at what my car is now worth, and what I now know to be fifteen professional photographers working there always ready to assist customers who only buy from them. I happen to walk right up to the owner. I ask questions about the Canon EOS and the Nikon DSLR’s and he realizes I am not going to buy the full price, know little, would like to learn more, and calls me out. He informs me this is unethical, and I am asking him for information in his store only to take business elsewhere, I tell him he is unkind and this is no way to establish business and this is how our relationship begins. I want to walk out of the store but I am defiant and stand there like a child and quietly argue. I feel bad, and he points our marketing strategies that make me angry yet I know is right, then he calls out the most obvious, Best Buy treated me worse than he has yet, and he is being truthful. Tears.

I learn they will never price match, but they will always service my camera for free and I know where I take it, that he will personally teach me how to use it, and for any question after that day he will also teach me, and slowly the fifteen photographers will also turn me into one as well. The most frustrating aspect is the marketing, good and bad that affects the consumer makes the decisions even if they aren’t bluntly called to your attention. I hesitated, argued his sound strategies, and after three hours I walk out of the store with my new Nikon D3200, and four pages on exactly how to use the camera, in MY language. I have returned to ask questions on the WIFI and he is amazing, and it was worth my tears, and the refusal of price matching.

I guarantee he does not cry as much as a woman. He was stoic, cold, and had zero qualms hitting me while I was down and he knew I would walk out with a camera when I hesitated. Reflecting on how smart we both were to use this strategy and make this purchase even when in the moment I knew exactly what he was doing makes me want to cry again. Possibly knowing our weaknesses, that my friends, was the best marketing strategy of all.

Do women cry more than men? : (

Why I Run

I run. The sentence contains a subject and a verb that qualifies it as acceptable by Microsoft and the world. Beyond this however, the words associated with myself and the word “run” illicit mixed reactions at best: microseconds to many seconds of skepticism, suspicion, patronizing, and arrogance. I always speak candidly, therefore if for an uncontrolled microsecond, which my trained eye will catch, you feel superiority over me for running marathons, I will acknowledge the fact you did indeed just judge me. Yet, nobody has the need to judge anybody. We all have our own personal reasons to run. I run for my mental health. It is my escape and my seven previous therapists are extremely thankful for this.

Running, like any other aerobic exercise allows the production and release of endorphins, endogenous opioids, which allows runner’s to experience the “runner’s high” According to an article which I will link to this post, there was a study published in 2008 in “Cerebral Cortex” which reports that endorphins flood the brain during intense periods of physical activity, very specific effects in the fronto-limbic brain areas that are involved in the processing of affective states and the mood. There is ABSOLUTELY no way I am diving into psychiatry, neuroscience, and explaining the limbic system so, this is essentially how the runners high is created and how it processes affective states and mood.

It’s also well known running will increase self- confidence. If you reach a goal that you have previously been unable to attain, it is rewarding, finishing a race ahead of your original pace, or winning. Running will give you inner-strength, self-worth. Personally I could care less. I am in this for one thing: mental stability.

Running improves mental health, or it improves me. There are many nights where I honestly run for my sanity or I am running from my insanity, it is usually a toss-up. Scientifically, the biochemical benefits of running do not originate just from the release of endorphins, but also the production of the neurotransmitters serotonin and dopamine. The article I have pulled some of this information was kind enough to refer to what I am about to discuss as “mental health disorders”, but I am going to say it the MENTALLY ILL are linked too lower levels of these neurotransmitters. Depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders need higher levels of neurotransmitters, like running, which running, which causes specific chemical changes in the brain.

I can go back to the article here and quote what running will do for those who choose to run for improving their mental health. But I prefer to tell my story. Occasionally a mood will go up, and my mood will slightly drop, and running may become a challenge. I have coping issues, I occasionally prefer to stay indoors, withdraw, I am cold. I have insomnia, recovering from an eating disorder, and cannot seem to find my place in the employment world, which leaves me angrier than before.

So I run.

I run and run and run.

I need to escape. Tonight I ran five miles and unfortunately I ran like I was being chased from a tangible object instead of what I am battling internally. I will occasionally take off in the middle of an argument like Forrest Gump. I could easily run a half marathon and plan on it in December. I will blog my training plan later this week.
Just run. Run for health, confidence, therapy, sanity.
Does it really matter at the end of the day? Get up, get over the cardio curve, and run.

What Clothing Reveals You


When I was in high school, my mother insisted on forcing me to try on every single pair of jeans ranging from Wal-Mart jeans to Kohl’s jeans, Macy’s to Meijer, and not a single pair fit. This was because I was slightly under five feet tall, had an eight pack without a waist, and legs as thick as tree trunks from forty hours a week training as a gymnast. Finally, she conceded and we walked into the Keystone Fashion Mall and spent egregious amounts of money on several pairs of designer jeans that I was quite certain had been manufactured in mass amounts just for me. The jeans were so soft they could have been my pajamas and I was hooked.

Tonight it was a bit chilly on my evening run, I was in my ¾ length lulu lemon pants thinking I need to go back to store that is also a yoga studio in Hyde Park and purchase winter running gear, and it occurred to me one pair of pants alone would cost a little under $100.

$100 pants to run in. Why? And why would I think it’s a good idea to buy them?

Simple! I grudgingly walked in there the first time after an exhausting day searching for running shorts and yoga pants only to find that once again ten years later (yikes I’m feeling old!) not a single item of clothing tried on that day fit me. When you are tiny, there is nothing more upsetting, and I will go without before I will wear something that does not fit. I am not spoiled, or trying to look attractive, I just will not look sloppy and giant clothes simply aren’t comfortable. Lulu Lemon’s clothes fit me like a glove, they are also the perfect length, wash wonderfully, and last forever. They are simply worth the investment. Once again I find myself asking: “What’s in a name?”

If you can look beyond the price, the place of purchase, and the designer, there are still multitudes of factors that affect purchasing decisions. Once the item is purchased, it is still situational based on the aggregate of psychological and sociocultural factors acting on individual or groups affecting behavioral patterns.


My name is actually Kelli and the situation is real as is the dress I bought. Forbes will explain it below:

I ruined my favorite “power” shirt for interviews but it clearly wasn’t working anyways considering I’m still unemployed. Mom immediately took me shopping to fix me superstitions I developed from gymnastics and well….. I found an amazing blue Banana Republic dress in a 00 Petite for a silly amount, but not necessarily a deplorable amount, either. I will take it home, after receiving excellent customer service, crop it 3 inches since I’m still too short, and wear it to Summer interviews to make me feel better to the people, who already presume they know who I am, just by looking at me.

American’s rely on clothing because there isn’t an official way to socially rank people such as a caste system or aristocracy. Therefore clothes are our economic and social indicator. It gives us comfort; it lets us know where we sit in the world. The doctor cited in the article on Forbes tells us that there isn’t a particular article or style that makes a person look unsuccessful, but not taking the time or the effort, or hiding and undoing who you are does come across badly.

I however disagree. If you previously purchased your jeans that fit and flatter you, and you absolutely know this because your personal shopper informed you of this, and your cashmere or cable knit wool J. Crew sweaters are in perfect condition as well as your puffer jacket, and your Tori Burch riding boots are timeless as well as new, you can get dressed in less than 2 minutes (I did today) and be out the door and look timeless and “put together”. Hiding parts of your body sometimes do wonders for certain body types, and everyone has to dress for their own body type. But sadly yes, clothes immediately tell a story about you, and are used as a wicked weapon.

Interviews are SO tricky. Everyone interviewing has been incessantly warned about colors. I provided a link instead of going into details. My conundrum has always been: my full suit (a jacket and pencil skirt which fits me amazing but makes me look terribly uptight), my suit jacket with a tan pencil skirt, or my dress. The level of “dressiness” was in descending order and it is my job to decipher the type of job, the atmosphere of the office or corporation, and the formalness of the interview.

After, if I ever manage to land a job, Pinterest is here to assist me, I don’t need assistance after I get a position, but if I did, for outfits, classic wardrobe makes, and what young professionals need to wear to work is all on the internet to assist us. There is also tumblr, WordPress obviously, and many other links to blogs from Pinterest I have yet to discover to assist the confused ones. I provided just a few, including my own Pinterest site, where I post outfits I’m in love with.

How do I want to feel? It doesn’t matter because “I am what I wear” according to Dr. Baumgartner, the doctor citer in Forbes who recently wrote the book titled appropriately, “You Are What You Wear: What Your Clothes Reveal About You”

So, “What’s in a name?” It’s “The brand name”. It’s the social hierarchy that makes all right in the world. Our own caste system that allows Hollywood to be our aristocracy and lulu lemon to be the higher caste “go-to” for workout clothes because they are simply amazing.  So really, the answer to this question is simple too.

“The Unknown Soldier”

the unknown soldier I have mentioned the poem’s posted are from a poetry book I found in my mother’s possession. The book belonged to Private “Hutch” Hutchens, a WW2 veteran who left this page bookmarked for me to find and share with all of you. Both of my grandfathers’ fought in WW2 on the front lines. Private “Hutch” fought in the Battle of the Bulge, and another grandfather could tell you, if he were here today, that he knows exactly where Normandy Beach is. I felt “The Unknown Soldier” was appropriate for the tumultuous time our country is facing.

There’s a GRAVEYARD near the White House
Where the Unknown Soldier lies,
And where the flowers there are sprinkled
With the tears from mother’s eyes.

I stood there not so long ago
With roses for the brave,
And suddenly I heard a voice Speak from out the grave:

“I am the Unknown Soldier,” The spirit voice began,
“And I think I have the right
To ask some questions man to man.
“Are my buddies taken care of?
Was their victory so sweet?

Is that big reward you offered
Selling pencils on the street?
“Did they really win the freedom
They battled to achieve?
Do you still respect that Croix de Guerre

Above that empty sleeve?
“Does a gold star in the window
Now mean anything at all?
I wonder how my old girl feels
When she hears a bugle call.

“And that baby who sang
‘Hello, Central, give me no man’s land’-
Can they replace her daddy
With a military band?
“I wonder if the profiteers

Have satisfied their greed?
I wonder if a soldier’s mother
Ever is in need?
“I wonder if the kinds, who planned it all
Are really satisfied?

They played their game of checkers
And eleven million died.
“I am the Unknown Soldier
And maybe I died in vain,
But if I were alive and my country called,
I’d do it all over again.” Billy Rose.

Weight- One of the Last Acceptable Prejudices


A thigh gap is a gap in your thigh that is two inches to four inches and it is “a trend that needs to die”, and it seems a bit extreme. I believe the total aggregate of females who are either claiming that thin girls are “being discriminated against”, “muscular/fit is the new thin”, or “curvy is the new thin” has failed to remember thousands of females, especially teenagers and young women have natural gaps in their thighs. The article I set out to find was originally posted by Glamour magazine. What I found in the process is harsh cruel word in which my body is hated, and this article took an unforeseen twist examining unfeigned mean girls as a whole.

Glamour magazine asked 1,800 women ages 18-40 to imagine “overweight” women and “thin” women in a survey. They were told to imagine that they knew nothing about either of the women, yet choose words to describe the women. The results were that heavier women were described as lazy, slow, undisciplined, and giving, while thin women were perceived as conceited, bitchy, mean, and controlling. A study showed overweight women earn as much as $5,826 less than their peers, if they even got the job at all. Companies would rather hire a less qualified thin person than a more qualified overweight one. BUT the thin girl can’t be too pretty, or she has a lower chance of getting the job as well. Yes, Forbes tells me on a regular basis why I am unemployable.

According to the article, the reason that there is an issue with heavy women being labeled as giving is because the stereotype fits into the belief that thin women are NOT that way. Thin women were also described as ambitious, confident, superficial, and vain. Overweight women were additionally described as careless, passive, and insecure. Thin-shaming and fat-shaming is affecting all women negatively, and I am sorry I can only “run a mile in my own shoes”, and I only have an idea of how difficult the lives of less slender women must be. But here’s my side of things:

I am hurt on a regular basis from comments made from girls, grandmothers, strangers, and my mother. According to Glamour, the thin women surveyed reported that they were “hurt by weight prejudice in subtler ways”. A girl told Glamour that it was harder to make friends, I agree. Outside of the cheerleaders, it is incredibly hard to make friends because of how I look. I have been told I am a cold snob, or a cold bitch, an ice princess. I am quiet until I am very comfortable with you, and I repeatedly hear this after people get to know me. This is my wonderful first impression.

When you watch and read pieces of women who have struggled with weight and have been preyed upon by their peers for their weight, it is heartbreaking. Young girls have stopped eating at school because it is common for “fat girls” to eat, so it was important to break the mold for this heavy middle school girl I read about. It lead to binging after school. She was so embarrassed by her body she ate as a band-aid after school even after the hunger was gone. Yet “curvy girls” have historically been favored culturally. Only recently is it not accepted, yet very recently once again “real girls have curves”. So, what am I?

I am the girl who is another “thin girl” reads this she will also relate, and if a “curvy girl” reads this, I pray in a way she will as well. I have hated my thin body and been embarrassed to be naked after a day of trying on clothes and seeing my reflection in the mirror. I run, I continue to train for race after race, yet cannot seem to accomplish the body’s I see on pinterest or in the magazines with the muscular toned body. I try to accept myself and some days are better than others, and the comments continue regardless. Judging will never end, it does matter your jean size, and it’s unfortunate. I pray and hope we can focus more on our individual personalities, our personal morals and if they align, what is compatible, who we really are as women and girls to make friends, and instead of judging. I also believe the root of the problem is our own insecurities and lack of completion inside ourselves, not other peoples lack of perfection. However, this is all my speculation and opinion.  I also hope I represented both sides of the story in a fair manner, more from my perspective, less of a rant, and more of a representation of the heartbreaking reality of today.

Related Articles:

The Glamour Poll