Forgive and Forget

“Forgive and forget. That’s what they say. It’s good advice, but it’s not very practical. When someone hurts us, we want to hurt them back. When someone wrongs us, we want to be right. Without forgiveness old scores never settle. Old wounds never heal, and the most we can hope for is that someday we’ll be lucky enough to forget” –Grey’s Anatomy

Is this the best I can hope for? That my wounds will never heal and the way to manage them is time? Time waits for no man. When Jordan left me in December, the only thing I needed was for time to stand still so I could mourn appropriately but the world moved at it’s usual pace day in and day out. I lost months mourning and going through the grieving process. I still notice his absence, but a little less each day. This is the first time I have spoke in this way about my failed relationship, but I feel publicly acknowledging the absence of him here beside me is personal growth. When the relationship ended, the fight took ten minutes and we became another statistic of long distance relationships.
Looking back I completely see the truth of this statement “the most we can hope for is that someday we’ll be lucky enough to forget”. The pain from the ending of my past relationship was intense until it wasn’t, until the passing of time slowly numbed the areas affected.
I still believe Jordan is almost perfect, although I have been asked to find and focus on his flaws as a way to move forward. Maybe he is, we just don’t believe he is perfect for me. I finally agree somewhat; I am excited for what lies ahead finally instead of constantly looking behind me. I believe there is someone for me who will truly accept and love me. I can’t forgive him for what was said the night we broke up, but the passing of time gives me hope I will indeed eventually forget.

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A Touch of Envy

There is a young woman I have never even met who simply exudes coolness. The kind that makes everyone wants to be her, or sleep with her simply because of the sureness of herself. She is more artistic than I am in every category: water painting, calligraphy, sculpting, and photography. I find myself looking up to her in awe and envy yet wanting to be her friend because she’s genuinely nice. I feel thirteen years old all over again. I feel pains of jealousy. I know without a doubt I am not alone or most girls would only have kind thoughts and words to each other and about one other so, psychologically, what are we feeling?

Therapists often regard this deadly sin as a scar of childhood trauma or a symptom of a psychological problem. And it’s true that people who feel inadequate, insecure, or overly dependent tend to be more jealous than others, but it actually evolved from more positive reasons. Throughout our primordial past it discouraged desertion by a mate, bolstering the family unit and enabling the survival of the young. Catching someone flirting with your beloved can spark the kind of lust and romance that reignites a relationship.

Unfortunately jealously can sometimes go awry, they become self-consumed, undermining their self-esteem and into someone else’s arms. Unfortunately, jealousy is the leading cause of spousal homicide worldwide.

I am simply insecure and envy her life, my job position, and yes I wish I was as talented as this wonderful woman’s hands with a paint brush. But psychologically, I understand better what I am feeling when I experience jealousy and will always keep this in mind.

Understanding Jealousy: Ph.D., H. F. (n.d.). Understanding Jealousy. . Retrieved May 12, 2014,

Do I Officially Have A Hobby?

book stacks

When my two-year relationship ended a few weeks ago, it became immediately clear what I should do with Jordan’s Christmas money: fulfill my current book list, at my favorite bookstore, while sipping a cappuccino.

Unfortunately I found myself debating the big 3: Is this retail therapy, am I collecting books as my hobby (I dream of a library), or this is a compulsive behavior?

I left with not only the books I had been hoping to get acquainted with, but also with books I never knew I wanted to acquire. We readers need to be honest, every book holds a quick set of friends and framework of relationships you learn and gossip with just until that last page is turned. You lose a friend and you open your next book and meet another. She could be a better companion than the last.

So the question is whether my collection of books is simply the beginning of the library that flourishes during a time of retail therapy or something more. I will spare the suspense; I read for entertainment, and buy for enjoyment. Reading and collecting books is my Hobby, along with Photography. My psychiatrist could not be happier with how I am channeling my energy. So Cheers to the New Year! And my 12+ books to fall in love with in the immediate future!

Social Media is Exhausting

There is a month, day, and psychological disorder for everything society has to offer. In November, it was time for every brilliant mind to write her or her own mediocre novel. Don’t worry if you missed it, another opportunity starts November 1, 2014. Days, weeks, and months are dedicated to the most preposterous reasons but in November, writers all unite for a common cause. It’s the month to write and publish novels, and it is not for me. Writers will tell you; do this one thing for yourself: write one hour a day just for you. I do, but its different, therefore as is my blog.

I enjoy writing with a pen and journal, much like a daily devotion.  I carry my journal with me where me wherever I travel. The wonderful pages this book holds are magical. They truly read like a story of my life with few holes. They post the delicate strokes of your pen on your beautiful stationary purchased for you so you can write something, write anything, this is my hour.

I feel social media is so exhausting. Twitter, tumblr, Instagram, Vine, WordPress, and Pinterest are all websites that build personal branding and they will take your complete waking hours if you focus all hours on keeping them all up to date. I find one slipping and try to salvage and pick up for awhile, I have a strategy but life will not allow it.

Technology has imprisoned us, and we, myself included, as allowed it. Not a person should know when my relationship ended before I was prepared but because of social media everyone found out much much too soon. I’m sure everyone has noticed taking your phone to your yoga, cycling, or going on a run and return to find five missed calls and angry texts. People are intrusive regardless of preference.

The biggest strategy is ton use strategy at all on social media to build your own brand. Trust that your brand will build like wildfire on its own or strategically place itself in different places among tumblr and the grounds within it and pinerest. (We are clearly referring to handmade soaps or a shirt from etsy and a small business on Pinterest)This is simple because marketing ROI in these areas is so hard to turn over. I am seeing results from both. I see an experiment in the future.

Overqualified

I am overqualified for most jobs I need in order to gain enough experience for the jobs I am qualified for as a recent college graduate. Fortunately, my education provided me with an excellent background in marketing, but I don’t have the experience for my knowledge base. I have recently applied almost everywhere, but there is a large problem, I am overqualified or actually under qualified for a position in a specialized department within a store. I know this because of their piss poor responses they give me because, yes, I ask them point blank why they did not hire me.

I went to a job interview at Lowe’s last week and it was quite the experience. I handed the assembly line I experienced my resume and immediately regretted this action. I was granted two interviews and in each interview both failed to even glance at my resume. They fired hypothetical questions at me and know exactly what they want to know, but failed to learn anything about me as a person. I know “through my answers they gained knowledge and insight”, but did they really? I interviewed for a paint department position in which I would assist customers in picking out a paint color that best suits their style, preference, and subconsciously their personality. I understand the psychology of color, marketing techniques used, advanced selling techniques, and contemporary, traditional, and minimalism approaches to architecture and design but was unable to work most of this into the interview because of the rapid-fire questions. I was passed over for someone “better” qualified but I was clearly overqualified for this position, as with the bank teller positions I have applied for. I have been told over the phone and to my face I am overqualified. They have previously made it terribly uncomfortable. And then I was passed over.

When hiring managers are interviewing candidates and label them as overqualified, this is what they are thinking:

1) My salary expectations are likely higher than the role pays, therefore they cannot pay me enough.

2)  I’m too optimistic and I don’t fully understand what the job entails, or I will be quick to prove myself and move up the ladder.

3) They think there is a high probability I will be bored, frustrated, and leave. I have heard this several times. A travel agency told me they did not think I would be challenged enough on a daily basis.

4) There may be a chance I will be more experienced than my manager, and would be uncomfortable taking direction from them.

5)  I will leave as soon as a better opportunity comes around and I’m only applying because I’m desperate (which I am, but I also need experience in my field regardless of my position).

I always address this issue in the cover letter and, when given the opportunity, will address this in the interview. But sometimes it still doesn’t matter because I still do not offer job security. I can only hope that interviews from this point on go better than my last.

Why Employers Don’t Want to Hire Overqualified Candidates (http://money.usnews.com/money/blogs/outside-voices-careers/2013/07/31/why-employers-dont-want-to-hire-overqualified-candidates)

Will I Allow My Little Girl To Be A Gymnast?

Body image is currently a focal point in the media, but then it always is. The fashion industry is setting standards, yet clearly every designer has yet to follow them and Hollywood will never catch on. Our society seems so concerned with today’s youth, and how they feel about their body, but the generation they are concerned about is the first generation physician’s predict to die before their parents of health complications related to obesity. In my opinion, eating disorders aren’t running rampant. But I stand corrected, (according to a reputable website stated below), they are still on the rise and 10/100 girls suffer from an eating disorder in 2013. What I cannot ignore, however, is that between 16 and 33 percent of children are obese. Eating disorders may be on the rise, but they are clearly the minority.

I was a level nine gymnast in USA gymnastics, training forty hours a week and going to school full time. I started as a level four as did my training hours as a third grader. I am the poster child for an eating disorder: white, affluent, and a perfectionist, and later a three sport athlete. I was later a D1 college cheerleader after I quit gymnastics so instead of improving or seeking therapy, my condition drastically declined. I had an eating disorder for over a decade.

Will I allow my little girl to go through the same thing? People I have conversations with, my boyfriend’s family, my mother, aren’t “aware”, or don’t necessarily acknowledge the obvious. “Don’t ask don’t tell” applies to almost anything you don’t really want to know in my boyfriend’s and my family. Answering this question the way I wanted was very difficult.

I will want a little girl so bad and be heartbroken at the same time if she is. If she does not want to be a gymnast I will be saddened but if I have to make the decision I will be destroyed, for I know I will have to say “yes”. I cannot let my little girl miss out on the life lessons gymnastics taught me. I know they were tough to the point of mental abuse, pushed my body past stress fractures, and I found I had repressed memories in therapy, but I loved it. I did not have a childhood, but I can’t think of what I would have rather done. I found lifelong friends, and learned what a true team was like. We had sleepovers every Friday at someone’s house because of practice on Saturday morning at 8:00 am. I found that if you do something enough times you find muscle memory and perfection, and reward in winning for yourself and your team. How could I take this from my future child should she decide she wants to be like mommy?

But there is the negative aspect of gymnastics. I have terrible arthritis at twenty-four in my fingers, knees, wrist, and toes. I am a perfectionist, and it turns out it isn’t a good thing when you have to have something perfect every time or you are a failure. Oh, and that eating disorder.

I relapse almost constantly. I feel like I have it under control and then I don’t. I have met few gymnasts and even less cheerleaders when being honest did not have a disorder of some kind. When you are required to be thin, your required to be so thin that starving yourself or purging and starving is really the only solution. We all know this. What really made my condition worse was college cheerleading. We would trade what worked and what didn’t around the table or in the car.  We all had our own little disorder.

As a parent you can take two approaches, hit it head on and fight constantly, or ignore it, “believe” your child doesn’t have an appetite and watch if she gets below 85 pounds and threaten to admit her. My parents chose not to fight with me and threaten me when I got too thin. But really, what was the best option? I never would have forgiven my parents for taking me out of either, even knowing what I do now. Which is why, even now, I still am just heartbroken when in ten years if my little girl tells me she wants to do gymnastics, I am probably going to cry, but I am also going to say “yes”.

Teenagers With Eating Disorders (http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/Facts_for_Families/Facts_for_Families_Pages/Teenagers_With_Eating_Disorders_02.aspx)

Mentally Petite

“That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.”

                                                                                                                  Grey’s Anatomy

I arduously consider this quote, pondering the aforementioned. Personally, I never want to know something bad when I can hope for the best. When my life is amazing, I would rather wake on my own accord, and when it is terrible I actually prefer to not face the day. So I don’t believe this to be necessarily true, either. The last third of this inspirational quote, however, causes a type of intrinsic crisis: “Even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying”.

The worst failure, the biggest failure, at the worst time, can be inconvenient for some people; the strong individuals will face “minor setbacks” and try again. However, the very same event trouncing a previously fragile individual is detrimental. I have shattered into over 300 pieces on my bedroom floor for every rejected Resume and failed job interviews. It has taken three months for doctors, friends, my boyfriend, and my parents especially, to meticulously glue me back together. I am a petite girl. I look frail, delicate, breakable, and brittle. They are all synonyms for each other, obviously, and unfortunately, I am mentally “petite” as well. My body and my mind will break, shatter, and are easily hurt and destroyed because people push me to believe “The biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying”.

“Keep applying”, “Keep your head down and push through”, “Eight to ten job applications a day and you will get there”. This isn’t true. Sometimes you simply fail in today’s job market when you only have an undergraduate degree and are without experience. I am applying at locations where I will operate machinery now, hoping to gain job experience. Yes, I am still waiting for job interview two and they did not even look at my Resume or ask about my degree. I turn 25 next month. I have learned one valuable life lesson: Never look down on an individual with 6 years of professional experience who opted out of college. I hold a piece of paper, and…. a piece of paper.

I Eat Healthy in a Household of Obesity

I eat healthy in a house where there is a constant parade of unhealthy food marching across the dinner table, stocking the refrigerator, and in the pantry. My mother is overweight and my father has dangerously high cholesterol yet refuses to eat vegetables, and apples and oranges are as scarce as oceanfront property in Arizona. But I am in the process of reform in our household.

It is true, organic food is more expensive, making your own granola, constant preparation of lean meats (because they still believe meat is necessary at every meal), and broiling vegetables, which have never seen the table before, is time consuming and exhausting. It is also exhausting to watch them write off a meal every single time because of basil, garlic, and brussels sprouts. I will try anything twice. I am the only person in the house with this policy.

I will taste anything and decide for myself if I don’t like it. That is how I decided aged balsamic vinegar is exquisite, quinoa is in fact terrible to clean up before cooked but great with granola, Greek yogurt and fruit in the morning, and that every single type of seafood except is my favorite food. It was incredibly difficult when I first moved home however, because I was not yet acclimated to the constant temptation of fattening dinner and snacking options. I fell prey to the snacks and croissants, stopped running because I felt terrible, and gained a little weight.

Carbohydrates, Fats, and Sugars have always made me feel horrible, but the chocolate looked so good, especially on an Ambien binge, I could barely remember it the next day let alone say no. Carbohydrates release glucose into the bloodstream quickly after consumption and fats will make your digestive system work harder than usual. Both of these mechanisms will make you tired.  Sugar consumption releases insulin, which triggers tryptophan. The chain of events continues to worsen, where the tryptophan is converted into serotonin. Serotonin tells your body to “relax” and “slow down”. I believe this is true for my parents, and this is the only thing they have eaten for their entire lives. There are billion donuts are consumed in the United States each year alone. I can’t blame them for eating unhealthy; they aren’t alone. I finally do not have cravings for the donuts dad brings home, have started yoga and running again, and I am cooking dinners most nights now. Fruits and vegetables are constantly in the house and I finally feel healthy and I am healthy again. I hope it will be passed “up” to my past generation.

http://www.mnn.com/food/healthy-eating/stories/10-terrifying-stats-about-how-we-eat-in-america

http://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/nutrition/healthy-eating/3-types-of-food-that-will-make-your-body-feel-sluggish.html#b

Is educated, unemployed and undecided the most crippling position today?

building career climbing

 

 

 

 

 

Is it possible that not having a career and being unsure about my career goals may actually not be the most crippling position? In the last two months alone, I have had endeavors I never saw myself beginning on my own and absolutely loved them. I am clearly on WordPress, risking public humiliation with my sub-par writing style and grammatical errors, Pinterest, Tumblr, LinkedIn, and I am growing followers with every post and pin.

I have finally risked public humiliation even though I am hiding behind my computer, I have comments open to the public and online bullying has made humans more open about their opinions than ever before. Previously, I would not risk speaking out in front of Jordan’s medical school friends due to their obvious higher education level and their clear ability to spot the “village idiot”. This is a positive step. I am now forced to sometimes brainstorm for creative posts, research to validate my information, and I am finally beginning to learn a bit of front end web design.

My escape from depression, besides my Golden Retriever puppy, Truman, has been the purchase of my camera and my desire to truly take pleasing pictures. My Nikon D3200 is such a complicated camera for a novice like myself, and it continues to awe me with its capabilities. I would like to not only grasp them, but master them, and then  purchase other lenses and master them too. My favorite thus far is the Aperture setting, the mistiness over the water, and I am desperate to begin learning about light.

Holding a position at a call-center, Target, or a server would take my time, happiness, and less time to apply to jobs and spend the rest of the time on my new endeavors. I still have time to center myself and remind myself this will not last. I have found things I do not like: coaching, book clubs, counseling, and babysitting.

I would never have realized any of this if I went straight into a job that would have eventually in 5 years worked up to the first position I originally wanted. I am realizing everything now. I obviously know I need to work and the first job that is offered I will take, but there is silver lining and I should not turn my bedroom into a place where depression comes to die.

Marketing Strategies That Moved Me to Tears

Nikon D3200

I recently bought a Nikon D3200 from a professional camera shop instead of Best Buy. My camera in total was enough to drive me to tears three times. Best Buy price matches from the Internet. I was completely uneducated when I embarked on this purchasing journey and it is rather unfortunate the entire decision was based off of the marketing strategies placed on the “consumer” instead of my education of Nikon, Canon, and the middlemen involved.

I love taking pictures, one glance on my Instagram account, Facebook, Pinterest, or tumblr will tell you this, so it was time I took matters into my own hands and purchased a quality camera and lens to begin a lifelong hobby. I enjoy minimalist photography but also whatever piques my interest. I avoid our local camera shop initially because of their inability to match prices, their knowledge and my disadvantage, a known marketing strategy for anyone trying to up-sell, and head instead to Best Buy, where they acknowledge manufacturer rebates, offer their own sales, and price match any location both online and mortar you can find at a better price. I wanted an EOS or a DSLR, and knew my price point, and Best Buy had an amazing deal and price matched an even better one on the Canon of my dreams. The manager and the woman approved it, but upon returning the next day, the next manager refused even after yesterdays manager was called at home. This was the first round of tears, because it had been such a long road to even get to this point, and without the sale the camera simply couldn’t be purchased. Today, as I reflect, I wonder: Why do girls cry so much more easily than boys?

“Until puberty, boys and girls cry in equal amounts. However when the estrogen levels rise in girls and bring them to tears more often, the testosterone increasing in boys are causing less tears than their female counterparts. Once we reach adulthood, women cry approximately four times as much as men- about 64 times a year, as opposed to 17 times for men. We could blame a protein named prolactin, which also control breast milk production, is present when someone cries emotional tears. The protein gets the endocrin system flowing, making more people more prone to crying and women have 60% more prolactin in their bodies at any given time do to men. Another reason for men’s stoic nature could be that men sweat more than women. When men sweat, then may need to release some toxins that are found in emotional tears, lessening their need to cry. Women have them too, but when men cry since they sweat they need to cry fewer tears. Men may have saved their tears for disasters, but when hormones and middle age hits, the statistics change again.”

Okay, so Discovery helped me now, but in the moment I was devastated and needed another way. Fortunately, my parents had been plotting to buy me a “present” anyways and told me to return to Best Buy and get the one I really wanted. I returned a third time, to be told they could not do anything in price matching, and I was forced to wait around fifteen minutes for the second time and I was about to spend more money than I was comfortable with standing waiting, and falling prey to their antics. I get in my car, this time I am so frustrated that I am in tears, and go to Jack’s, much like heading out of the “Pride Lands”.

It’s intimidating just to walk in the store; there are lenses behind the counters, camera’s that are easily valued at what my car is now worth, and what I now know to be fifteen professional photographers working there always ready to assist customers who only buy from them. I happen to walk right up to the owner. I ask questions about the Canon EOS and the Nikon DSLR’s and he realizes I am not going to buy the full price, know little, would like to learn more, and calls me out. He informs me this is unethical, and I am asking him for information in his store only to take business elsewhere, I tell him he is unkind and this is no way to establish business and this is how our relationship begins. I want to walk out of the store but I am defiant and stand there like a child and quietly argue. I feel bad, and he points our marketing strategies that make me angry yet I know is right, then he calls out the most obvious, Best Buy treated me worse than he has yet, and he is being truthful. Tears.

I learn they will never price match, but they will always service my camera for free and I know where I take it, that he will personally teach me how to use it, and for any question after that day he will also teach me, and slowly the fifteen photographers will also turn me into one as well. The most frustrating aspect is the marketing, good and bad that affects the consumer makes the decisions even if they aren’t bluntly called to your attention. I hesitated, argued his sound strategies, and after three hours I walk out of the store with my new Nikon D3200, and four pages on exactly how to use the camera, in MY language. I have returned to ask questions on the WIFI and he is amazing, and it was worth my tears, and the refusal of price matching.

I guarantee he does not cry as much as a woman. He was stoic, cold, and had zero qualms hitting me while I was down and he knew I would walk out with a camera when I hesitated. Reflecting on how smart we both were to use this strategy and make this purchase even when in the moment I knew exactly what he was doing makes me want to cry again. Possibly knowing our weaknesses, that my friends, was the best marketing strategy of all.

Do women cry more than men? : (http://curiosity.discovery.com/question/woman-cry-more-than-men)

What Clothing Reveals You

cropped-banner

When I was in high school, my mother insisted on forcing me to try on every single pair of jeans ranging from Wal-Mart jeans to Kohl’s jeans, Macy’s to Meijer, and not a single pair fit. This was because I was slightly under five feet tall, had an eight pack without a waist, and legs as thick as tree trunks from forty hours a week training as a gymnast. Finally, she conceded and we walked into the Keystone Fashion Mall and spent egregious amounts of money on several pairs of designer jeans that I was quite certain had been manufactured in mass amounts just for me. The jeans were so soft they could have been my pajamas and I was hooked.

Tonight it was a bit chilly on my evening run, I was in my ¾ length lulu lemon pants thinking I need to go back to store that is also a yoga studio in Hyde Park and purchase winter running gear, and it occurred to me one pair of pants alone would cost a little under $100.

$100 pants to run in. Why? And why would I think it’s a good idea to buy them?

Simple! I grudgingly walked in there the first time after an exhausting day searching for running shorts and yoga pants only to find that once again ten years later (yikes I’m feeling old!) not a single item of clothing tried on that day fit me. When you are tiny, there is nothing more upsetting, and I will go without before I will wear something that does not fit. I am not spoiled, or trying to look attractive, I just will not look sloppy and giant clothes simply aren’t comfortable. Lulu Lemon’s clothes fit me like a glove, they are also the perfect length, wash wonderfully, and last forever. They are simply worth the investment. Once again I find myself asking: “What’s in a name?”

If you can look beyond the price, the place of purchase, and the designer, there are still multitudes of factors that affect purchasing decisions. Once the item is purchased, it is still situational based on the aggregate of psychological and sociocultural factors acting on individual or groups affecting behavioral patterns.

I CAN MAKE THIS SIMPLE

My name is actually Kelli and the situation is real as is the dress I bought. Forbes will explain it below:

I ruined my favorite “power” shirt for interviews but it clearly wasn’t working anyways considering I’m still unemployed. Mom immediately took me shopping to fix me superstitions I developed from gymnastics and well….. I found an amazing blue Banana Republic dress in a 00 Petite for a silly amount, but not necessarily a deplorable amount, either. I will take it home, after receiving excellent customer service, crop it 3 inches since I’m still too short, and wear it to Summer interviews to make me feel better to the people, who already presume they know who I am, just by looking at me.

American’s rely on clothing because there isn’t an official way to socially rank people such as a caste system or aristocracy. Therefore clothes are our economic and social indicator. It gives us comfort; it lets us know where we sit in the world. The doctor cited in the article on Forbes tells us that there isn’t a particular article or style that makes a person look unsuccessful, but not taking the time or the effort, or hiding and undoing who you are does come across badly.

I however disagree. If you previously purchased your jeans that fit and flatter you, and you absolutely know this because your personal shopper informed you of this, and your cashmere or cable knit wool J. Crew sweaters are in perfect condition as well as your puffer jacket, and your Tori Burch riding boots are timeless as well as new, you can get dressed in less than 2 minutes (I did today) and be out the door and look timeless and “put together”. Hiding parts of your body sometimes do wonders for certain body types, and everyone has to dress for their own body type. But sadly yes, clothes immediately tell a story about you, and are used as a wicked weapon.

Interviews are SO tricky. Everyone interviewing has been incessantly warned about colors. I provided a link instead of going into details. My conundrum has always been: my full suit (a jacket and pencil skirt which fits me amazing but makes me look terribly uptight), my suit jacket with a tan pencil skirt, or my dress. The level of “dressiness” was in descending order and it is my job to decipher the type of job, the atmosphere of the office or corporation, and the formalness of the interview.

After, if I ever manage to land a job, Pinterest is here to assist me, I don’t need assistance after I get a position, but if I did, for outfits, classic wardrobe makes, and what young professionals need to wear to work is all on the internet to assist us. There is also tumblr, WordPress obviously, and many other links to blogs from Pinterest I have yet to discover to assist the confused ones. I provided just a few, including my own Pinterest site, where I post outfits I’m in love with.

How do I want to feel? It doesn’t matter because “I am what I wear” according to Dr. Baumgartner, the doctor citer in Forbes who recently wrote the book titled appropriately, “You Are What You Wear: What Your Clothes Reveal About You”

So, “What’s in a name?” It’s “The brand name”. It’s the social hierarchy that makes all right in the world. Our own caste system that allows Hollywood to be our aristocracy and lulu lemon to be the higher caste “go-to” for workout clothes because they are simply amazing.  So really, the answer to this question is simple too.

My Dad Makes 9/11 Personal

My dad and me before a football game. He worked every game I cheered when he wasn't working on station.

My dad and me before a football game. He worked every game I cheered when he wasn’t working on station.

On September 11, 2011, I was personally attacked.

My dad is my best friend. When I was in college and everyone would go on spring break with their friends, it was an obvious choice to go to Key West with my father. He drove his Honda Gold Wing to Miami International Airport (MIA) and pick me up. I would fly with only a carry on 2 days after he left on the bike and we would take the AIA to Key West and stay for 14 days. I skipped an entire week of college and he took off 2 weeks of work. We left mom at home, not because she isn’t in my life, simply because Key West is “our thing”. I almost wasn’t able to experience Key West with my daddy every year, he almost died in a fire when I was a toddler, fighting a fire.

My dad is now a paramedic and is damn good at his job. He has saved countless lives in his twentieth year at Delaware County Emergency Medical Service and is my hero. He handed in his bunker gear after he found his self trapped in a structure fire with another firefighter. I didn’t know until two years ago why he stopped, and it was chilling. He said mom and I didn’t have anyone else, and he couldn’t leave us alone. As a paramedic, he has been stuck by countless dirty needles, had guns and knives pulled on him, been thrown against an ambulance and tore his rotator cuff, punched in the face and broke his orbital bone, and after a bank robbery, the robbers last breath was a terrible cough of blood into his mouth, nose, and eyes. He has been on antiretrovirals, in quarantine, narcotics, and it goes without saying in fights.

My dad works the next 8 Christmas’s. He has this last Christmas off and worked the last previous 6. I have five dads at a fire station affectionately named “seven’s”, 6 doctor’s, and roughly 8 dads at the EMS station that has known me since I have been four years old. The fortunate yet unfortunate side of things is I have an entire police department that knows my dad, and my default me, so it truly isn’t a joke that someone knows where I am at all times. What I love? At 24 I can run in Muncie at all times of the day and night and know I am safe, know the doctors, and have an amazing family. I spend Christmas with my family. The wives and children bring food and prepare it for their husbands and we all have christmas lunch/dinner together. Our fathers and husbands take calls when their appropriate tones sound throughout the station and they come and go all day, but we spend the day with family.

So when the 343 firefighter’s never came home, and over 400 servicemen in total died, it was personal. It is personal. Our family made a decision that dad would not go to ground zero and help sort through debris, but other’s went. It was too dangerous and he is all we have. Now 37 hero’s in the last two month’s alone who responded to the call have been diagnosed with cancer. Over 1,400 first responders have died of cancer that helped sift through the debris. We are still counting the the deaths. It is much greater than 343.

Take a moment to thank your service men and women. I was able to thank the one who woke up in my house today. For today, he is safe, my hero is my daddy, my best friends, my countless other fathers who helped raise me. I love them. Thank you.

What’s in a name?

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Tonight, on CNN, the royal baby is a topic of discussion. I must say, after the purchase of my purebred Golden Retriever, I was barely fazed at this seemingly pretentious name. My six-month-old puppy’s “paper name” is “Oberlin Farm’s Sir Edward Truman IV”. Yes, he was an expensive as his name implies, I can buy the rights to breed him, but I immediately need to make that decision or neuter him this month and notify the breeder. His mother came with papers, I cannot remember her ridiculous line of names, but his father’s line of Sir Edward’s __________ made it a fill in the “all American name” situation. In my house it is the forth of July every singly day my Golden’s name is so American and pretentious. So, what is in a name?

If you are a man, according to the article, you may have bigger shoes to fill if you are an Alexander or a George as opposed to a Jordan or an Aric. Maybe you will need that name as a future CEO. Parents name children after their family members or friends because of the positive connotations, however I was simply named because my dad saw my name in a particular magazine, took noticed the spelling was different, but there still is nobody in our lives to make my name warm and fuzzy, including me. The future king’s name has slide shows and thousands of articles critiquing his name and speculating why they chose his name and what kind of king he will be. Prince George Alexander Louis isn’t even as old as Oberlin Farm’s Sir Edward Truman IV and he has his Christmas’s planned to the hour.

If you are part of the American Kennel Club (or soon to be), when choosing your dogs paper name it is quite important because they do not allow duplicate names for show dogs. (If you have ever wondered at Westminster how these poor dogs have such ridiculous names, this is why.) The AKC will ask you to choose another name if your name is already taken, and creative names and spelling draw attention and are actually encouraged. Although the American Kennel Club, sometimes your breeder, traditions from the studs proceeding him will ask for your dog to have long pretentious names, you will have your name for him, like your name for your baby. I have “Truman” And yes I still have the Forth of July at my house every day, but not because he was named after President Truman.

The A1A that travels through the Florida Keys to Key West and the road splits right or left. Take the road right and it turns into Roosevelt Avenue and it’s a beautiful view of the outer keys. The road turns again into “Old Town”, this time left and becomes Truman Avenue, my favorite place on earth. I will spare the details but its near Mile Marker 0, Hemingway’s House and the lighthouse, the harbor, and every single time I look at Truman, I feel a bit of that happiness I feel in Key West, I feel instead unconditional love. A picture perfect name.

Sharing a family name

Not a Failure

graduation-hats1Tonight, after brushing my teeth with my Crest Vivid White Toothpaste, followed by the Vivid White Mouthwash, flossing with Crest, and checking to make sure that my teeth were indeed as “Vivid” as Crest promised (they were), I was finally ready for bed. It should be noted I also removed my makeup, my eye makeup, washed my face, used toner, and a bit of Salicylic Acne Cream, and applied some body lotion, all products of Olay skin products. I promise I have a purpose here other than proving brand loyalty and the picturesque customer of P&G.

I AM UNEMPLOYED

There, I said it. I am unemployed yet I ask my parents, whom I moved back in with to spend hundreds each month to keep my appearance “interview ready”. I dye my hair, wax, my work clothes, actually all of my clothes are in pristine condition as am I just waiting for the call from the hundreds of job applications I have sent out this year alone. I graduated almost a year ago with my Bachelor of Science from a School of Business. My professors never lectured on how to defer loans or find packing boxes for storage units to pack away your furniture along with your hopes and dreams, politely ask to move home, and ask for a wine budget. My professor’s, however, lectured on how to run a corporation in the future, how to make decisions based on different curves I may or may never use. Our Punter for the football team was the only one who has the ability to run a corporation, but he signed with the Bengal’s in the draft. I knew then I simply wanted a marketing position. My current goal is to improve my writing through learning how to blog and continue volunteering. So tonight, I am still familiarizing myself with WordPress because it is in many of the job descriptions I would like to apply for, similarly to my religious nightly routine in order to keep appearance pristine. I am doing it all in hope of a call. I am one of the 1/3 college graduates that moved home this year. I do wonder what they are doing, where are our support groups? (This is sarcasm)

According to Forbes there happens to be quite a gap in salary expectations. Only 15% of grads expect to earn less than $25,000 a year but a third of grads are making that amount or less. And most positions I am getting interviews for are only interviewing in the $35-ish, and yes I feel fortunate. But they are the working graduates. The 2012 class has 68% of their graduates working full time now and 16% have part-time jobs verses 7% are not working at all. This is lower than the national employment rate of 7.6% (Adams). I would be as nauseous as I already am if I were a 2013 graduate however. They have $60,000 of student loans soon to be transferred to Great Lakes of something (this is still a secret to them, they may not even have their actual $60,000 piece of paper) and only 16% have a job waiting on them.

I can only hope the other 84% of graduates begin to find positions, or that the parents of the graduates are as wonderful as mine. Mine took in my attitude, my golden retriever puppy (his attitude rivals mine), my cat, and my fish. They allow me to take time to volunteer and network in the process, look for positions at my own pace, as long as it is a pace, and apply. If I am lost, they let me be. My parents have provided me a place that I can come home to after a day of volunteering and crawl in my favorite spot and read. I am on the marketing and PR boards for a council to alleviate poverty and change the view and the neighborhood entirely. Mom will look at me with a stern face and tell me to get up, and then look at me in the eye and tell me with compassion, “You only live at home, you are not a failure”.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/susanadams/2013/05/02/college-graduates-expectations-are-out-of-line-with-reality-says-study/