Mentally Petite

“That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying.”

                                                                                                                  Grey’s Anatomy

I arduously consider this quote, pondering the aforementioned. Personally, I never want to know something bad when I can hope for the best. When my life is amazing, I would rather wake on my own accord, and when it is terrible I actually prefer to not face the day. So I don’t believe this to be necessarily true, either. The last third of this inspirational quote, however, causes a type of intrinsic crisis: “Even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying”.

The worst failure, the biggest failure, at the worst time, can be inconvenient for some people; the strong individuals will face “minor setbacks” and try again. However, the very same event trouncing a previously fragile individual is detrimental. I have shattered into over 300 pieces on my bedroom floor for every rejected Resume and failed job interviews. It has taken three months for doctors, friends, my boyfriend, and my parents especially, to meticulously glue me back together. I am a petite girl. I look frail, delicate, breakable, and brittle. They are all synonyms for each other, obviously, and unfortunately, I am mentally “petite” as well. My body and my mind will break, shatter, and are easily hurt and destroyed because people push me to believe “The biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out of never trying”.

“Keep applying”, “Keep your head down and push through”, “Eight to ten job applications a day and you will get there”. This isn’t true. Sometimes you simply fail in today’s job market when you only have an undergraduate degree and are without experience. I am applying at locations where I will operate machinery now, hoping to gain job experience. Yes, I am still waiting for job interview two and they did not even look at my Resume or ask about my degree. I turn 25 next month. I have learned one valuable life lesson: Never look down on an individual with 6 years of professional experience who opted out of college. I hold a piece of paper, and…. a piece of paper.

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